Just Can't Wait To Be King
by yayhodr
Summary: "If this is where the monarchy is going, I'm moving to the Iron Hills." In an AU where Erebor was never taken by Smaug, a young Fili just can't wait to be King. Dwalin wonders if he should plan his escape before disaster ensues. Kili just wishes his brother would stop calling him his Queen. Light, innocent Durincest as both Fii and Kili are quite young.


"Fee! I'm not a lady, I can't be a Queen!"

Dwalin stopped as he walked past the large chamber that was usually reserved for festivals upon hearing the disgruntled cry of the younger Prince. He blinked and turned around, peering through the doors.

Fili was seated upon the throne that Thorin used during festivals, the tiny dwarfling looking even smaller in the large throne. His arms hardly reached the arms of the throne, and he had a crown made of sticks upon his golden head.

His younger brother was standing in front of him, his hands on his hips, and a crown made of flowers in his dark hair. Dwalin put a hand over his mouth, and watched the younger brother stomp his foot for emphasis as he cried out "I am a boy! Not a girl!"

"Kee, you hafta be my Queen! I'm going to be King one day and I needta practice!"

"You're only 15 years old, you're not going to be king for..." Kili appeared to be counting on his fingers, "til Unca Thorin dies!"

"I have to be prepared!"

"Even if he dies, Mister Balin would be your regent until you're of age!" Kili pointed out, crossing his arms. "I'm not your Queen!"

"You need practice too! We're gonna get married and you're gonna be my Queen!"

"No we're not! You hafta marry a girl because you hafta have kids," Kili pointed out.

"Girls are yucky, we're gonna get married to each other."

"That's even yuckier."

"Just shut up and come sit on the Queen throne," Fili said, pointing at the other throne next to him. "I'm older, you hafta do what I say."

"No, Fee!"

"I'll let you have the last scone."

Kili considered the offer for a moment. "and chocolate milk?"

"If Mama says yes."

Kili quickly clambered onto the other throne, the flower crown lopsided on his head. Dwalin smiled, Kili very much resembled his mother at that age. Dis had been fond of wearing flowers in hair, and if he remembered right, her first circlet and most of her hair beads had been engraved with flowers.

"See, Kee, you make a good Queen."

"'m not your queen," Kili mumbled. "I'm a boy. I'm a Prince."

Dwalin stepped into the room, coughing loudly. "What are we doing, Little Princes?"

Both princes looked up, Killi looking striken. They both clambered down from the thrones, Fili with his chest puffed out proudly. "We're practicing for when I'm King and Kili's my Queen!"

"and why is Kili going to be your Queen?"

"Because he's my One!" Fili announced.

Normally, Dwalin would have passed this off as child's play, for children could be silly, and few were sillier than his young royal kinsmen. Very few knew their one so young, and it was almost unheard of in siblings, or even cousins. It was not completely unheard of, but very rare. However, Fili had a possessive and determined gleam in his eyes, and had always been quite possessive of his brother. Perhaps, Dwalin thought, the young princes had been lucky. and it was not as if they could have children unless by adoption., so it would be easily accepted.

Kili, however, pouted. "i'm not his one! I'm not his Queen!"

"No, I think not," Dwalin said, sitting down in a chair. "I daresay that if you and him ruled together, you'd both be kings, or King and Consort under the mountain."

"I'd be King too?" Kili asked, clambering into Dwalin's lap with wide eyes.

Dwalin nodded. "Last I checked, you were a Prince, not a princess, yes?" Kili nodded again. "See, there's no need to fuss," the warrior said, raising an eyebrow at the youngest prince. He looked up at Fili. "You shouldn't hassle your brother like that, he's still very young," Dwalin reminded him. Fili rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Why are you two in here?"

"We needed thrones to practice," Kili said, sucking on his thumb. "Fee said so."

"And why did you need to practice being Kings?" Dwalin inquired. "I know your uncle has been a bit sick lately, but it was just a little cold. You two do not need to worry about being anything except children now," he reminded them,. Fili would not start training for another year or two, and Kili was still a long way from it. Let them be children, Dis always said., for as long as they could.

The elder prince had once again sat down in the throne. "I can't wait to be king," he said., as if this answered Dwalin's question. "I'm going to be the best king that Erebor has ever seen!" He announced, standing up on the throne, and puffing his chest out, his stick crown slipping over his eye. "I'm going to a be strong and mighty and majestic! Even more than Uncle Thorin!"

"Don't let him hear you say that," Dwalin warned with a smile.

"No one will tell me how many cookies I can eat, and I'll decide my own bedtime," Fili announced.

"Don't count on that," Dwalin said. He was a seasoned warrior and his brother was still putting the cookies out of reach. Although, Dwalin was tall enough that it was difficult for Balin to do.

"Kings don't have to clean their rooms," Kili added thoughtfully. The younger prince never had enjoyed cleaning.

"No one will tell me when to do anything! I'll be the boss of everyone!"

"There's more to being a leader than just telling people what to-"

"I'll be the best king! Everyone will love me! Even the elves!"

"Now, I really doubt that!"

"and I'll throw parties all the time! Feasts1 with all the best foods," Fili announced., jumping down from the throne.

"Apple pie?" Kili asked around his thumb.

"As big as the bath tub!" Fili declared, grabbing his little brother's hands and pulling him off Dwalin's lap. "As often as you like!"

"Every day?"

"If it suits you," Fili said, spinning his brother around.

"I seriously doubt that you'll be able to find enough apples to have apple pie every day," Dwalin warned.

"and we'll never go to battle because everyone loves me! Even the nasty goblins! They'll all want me to be their king!"

"Are you planning on taking over Middle Earth?" Dwalin asked, raising an eyebrow. Fili looked over at him and nodded.

"Can we play games all day, not just when Mama says yes?" Kili asked, giggling as his brother spun him around again.

"Of course! No one tells the King and his consort when to do anything!"

"I think you'll find that they do," Dwalin warned. He was fairly sure that Thorin had a list of responsibilities longer than Erebor was tall. "You'll have to be responsible."  
"Responsibilities are for not-kings," Fili argued. "I'll just lie around all day and have a ball! You'll see!"

"If this is where the monarchy is going, I'm moving to the Iron Hills," Dwalin mumbled, as Fili and Kili jumped onto a table. He wasn't sure why they were being so rowdy, except for the fact that they were quite young.

"Everyone will think that my reign was the best ever!" Fili announced, grinning at his brother. "and they'll all be jealous because my consort is the best looking in the entire kingdom!"

Kili grinned at his brother, thumb going back into his mouth. "I'm not," he said, looking down.

"I'll make it a law that you are!"

"I don't think that's possible," Dwalin said, trying to grab Fili, who was still jumping up and down, before he fell off the table. "Lads, you should get down, you're going to get hurt.."

"Kings don't get hurt!" Fili said.

"What do cons-con-consorts do?" Kili asked, stumbling over the word and furrowing his brow in concentration.

"I dunno, I've never met a consort before," Fili said, stopping and thinking. "Mister Dwalin,, what do consorts do?"

"Well, usually they have the children, or at least raise them," Dwalin began. "and they support the king.."

"Does that mean Kili has to give me piggy back rides everywhere?" Fli asked, pulling his brother along the long table. It occurred to Dwalin that they probably looked ridiculous, a fully grown dwarf chasing after two ridiculous dwarflings n fake crowns.

"No."

"Does he have to carry me?"

"Kili is smaller than you, do you think he can lift you, lad?"

"I can't. I've tried," Kili said seriously, letting his brother tug him along.

Dwalin stopped, deciding that he probably shouldn't chase them off the table. "Lads, I think you'll learn as you get older than being a king isn't all fun and games-"

"Of course it is! No one would chose to be a King if it wasn't"

"You don't chose to be king," Dwalin pointed out.

"You'll see, it's going to be my way, and it's going to be the funnest era the Kingdom has ever had!"

More like the lad would be removed from his throne within the first week. "If you say so."

"All eyes will be on me and my fair consort- Dwalin, how would Kili style his name."

"I'm assuming Prince Kili, Consort Under the Mountain," Dwalin said, raising an eyebrow. The last consort, anyways, had styled their name similarly.

"My fair consort, Prince Kili!" Fili grinned and spun his brother around again, giggling as his brother squealed. "You'll see, it's going to be the most amazing thing ever!, I just can't wait to be King" He cried out as he and his brother tumbled off the table in a heap. "Ow," the blond prince mumbled as his brother, who had taken the brunt of the fall, burst into tears. "No, Kee, don't cry," Fili said, sitting up. He pulled the younger prince into his arms, and frowned. "I didn't mean to hurt you. Good Kings don't hurt people and neither do big brothers."

Kili, still crying, leaned his head onto his brother's shoulder. "You didn't hurt me, the floor did."

"Then when I'm King, I'll have the floor thrown in the dungeon for hurting my consort!" Fili announced, wrapping his arms tighter around his brother. Dwalin, torn between making sure his prince was okay, and not intruding on what seemed to be a fairly private moment, however in the background, smiling softly to himself as Fili pressed a soft kiss to his brother's forehead. "Where does it hurt?" Fili asked, brushing his brother's hair out of his face.

Kili touched a spot on his head , still sniffling, and Fili frowned. "Come on, Kee, I'll take you to Mama. Mama always knows how to fix it when we get hurt."

As Fili tenderly led his brother away, still trying to sooth him, Dwalin watched, following behind them to make sure they didn't get hurt or lost. Perhaps, he decided, as he watched the blond prince take care of his little brother, more tender than Dwalin had ever seen a dwarf act in public, the kingdom would be in good hands when Fili took the throne.

Fili was a fighter, that much was obvious, but there was a gentleness to Fili. Fili was just as much a lover as a fighter, especially where his younger brother, whom he loved most, was concerned. Perhaps, one day, that love would transfer to the entire kingdom, at least in part. The people would be lucky to be so loved by their king.

Dwalin loved his king, who was, without a doubt, his best friend, but he sincerely hoped that he would live to see Fili as king, at least for a while. When the lad matured, he'd be one of the best kings that Erebor and the line of Durin had ever seen.

The people of Erebor deserved such a great king.

* * *

AN: I'm not sure where this happened tbh. I was talking about how I wanted a crack fic where Axl from the Almighty Johnsons sang I Just Can't Wait to be King and either Ty or Axl snarked their way through it and then somehow, I ended up writing this. Oops? I was supposed to be writing my prompts, which are still almost done.I promise, they'll happen eventually

Also, Fili and Kili are both quite young. They're 10 and 15, but mentally probably closer to 4/5 and 6/7, as dwarves do have a longer life span and probably age slower mentally and physically.


End file.
